day eight

I am not going to even lie. I went into this hoping that it will fail. I selfishly wanted my son to see what a horrible man that his father was so that he could quit romanticizing how wonderful his life would be if he lived with him.

He is the ten-minute father. Nothing can go real bad in ten minutes. You say hi, ask about school, maybe go to the park, and then before the streetlights come on, my son is back at home and you are not even going to attempt to make contact for another couple of weeks. But in those ten minutes my son does not get to know anything about you, he does not even question why it only took ten minutes. He only knows that he got to spend ten whole minutes with his sperm donor, and some kids don’t even get that.

So I wanted it to fail. I wanted him to go to Vegas see his dad for who he was, appreciate what he has, and have a better understanding of the work it takes to make it.

I did not know what I was wishing for.

The sperm donor has proven himself to be a real bastard. When I talk to my son on the phone I can feel the pain that he is going through. He is trying to make it make sense, that his father is not the man that he thought he was, or what his father pretended to be. But what do you say to a child who just realized that there is no such thing as super heroes, just ordinary people that sometimes are able to do super things. There are also no such thing as super villains, just incredibly stupid assholes that lack the ability to take care of themselves let alone someone depending on them just to make an appearance.

So I apologize to what ever saints, or gods that I have upset in the making of this decision. I am not sure that it is the decision that is my sin, but where my mind was in making the decision.

My son, eleven years old, is in a situation that he should not be in.

day four

My son has been out of the house for four days. If everything goes as planned it will be another forty-five days before his return. I did not know how much I enjoyed fathering him until he was no longer there. I question the job that I have done thus far.

My son is with his biological father (sperm donor is a better description). My son has not seen his father for at least a year and a half. Before that, my son saw his father whenever his father thought it was a good idea to make an appearance. That might be a week, or even a month.

I have not felt like a stepfather until this point. I guess if the real father is a constant no-show there is never a reason to feel like a stepfather.

I worry about my boy. He feels torn between his life with us and his life with his father. He does not sound good after only four days. He does not want to hurt my feelings, he does not want to hurt his father’s feelings, and he does not want to upset his mom.

If all the adults involved were rational parents that had our son in mind this would go a lot easier. I have no problem with a son spending time with his real father. I do have a problem when the father tries to create a divide between the boy and his other family.

Who would do that to a child???

It is criminal.
THIS IS DAY FOUR.