day four

My son has been out of the house for four days. If everything goes as planned it will be another forty-five days before his return. I did not know how much I enjoyed fathering him until he was no longer there. I question the job that I have done thus far.

My son is with his biological father (sperm donor is a better description). My son has not seen his father for at least a year and a half. Before that, my son saw his father whenever his father thought it was a good idea to make an appearance. That might be a week, or even a month.

I have not felt like a stepfather until this point. I guess if the real father is a constant no-show there is never a reason to feel like a stepfather.

I worry about my boy. He feels torn between his life with us and his life with his father. He does not sound good after only four days. He does not want to hurt my feelings, he does not want to hurt his father’s feelings, and he does not want to upset his mom.

If all the adults involved were rational parents that had our son in mind this would go a lot easier. I have no problem with a son spending time with his real father. I do have a problem when the father tries to create a divide between the boy and his other family.

Who would do that to a child???

It is criminal.
THIS IS DAY FOUR.