MAN IN THE MIRROR
I recently found one of my own journals that I managed to fill about halfway.
I decided to transcribe what is in the journal to this blog. I know that I have about two or maybe three other journals with equal amounts of entries. At one point I thought that I want to get all this in the same place, and this seems like a good place to do that.
In reading my very first entry from 1999 and putting it on the blog, and then skimming through the pages of the journal I am frightened.
Frightened for many reasons. I started the journal process right after it was clear to me that my wife was leaving me. I was away in Japan deployed with the Marine Corps and I had four months before we were to come home. I was 25 years old and my wife at the time was 23 I think.
When I started to transcribe I felt like I had to make a comment immediately after I got done because I felt like my thinking at the time was so foolish. Even though it is my goal to keep track of everything that has brought me to the point where I am right now, I did not want to be linked to the thoughts that I wrote down on paper. As I go on and continue to transcribe that first journal, it is certainly not going to be a very flattering picture of me.
It seems like in hearing that my wife was leaving me, my main concern was my money. When I left my current wife I remember that was an issue of mine as well. I am bothered because it does not show a whole lot of growth on my part.
At one point I say in that post that I am going to fight for my money my name. Never did I say that I was going to fight for my marriage.
There are a lot of things that I am feeling about that particular post, but I am going to dismiss most of it to being young and inexperienced in life.
In the future I will just leave comments in the posts that I transcribe from journal entries.
I decided to transcribe what is in the journal to this blog. I know that I have about two or maybe three other journals with equal amounts of entries. At one point I thought that I want to get all this in the same place, and this seems like a good place to do that.
In reading my very first entry from 1999 and putting it on the blog, and then skimming through the pages of the journal I am frightened.
Frightened for many reasons. I started the journal process right after it was clear to me that my wife was leaving me. I was away in Japan deployed with the Marine Corps and I had four months before we were to come home. I was 25 years old and my wife at the time was 23 I think.
When I started to transcribe I felt like I had to make a comment immediately after I got done because I felt like my thinking at the time was so foolish. Even though it is my goal to keep track of everything that has brought me to the point where I am right now, I did not want to be linked to the thoughts that I wrote down on paper. As I go on and continue to transcribe that first journal, it is certainly not going to be a very flattering picture of me.
It seems like in hearing that my wife was leaving me, my main concern was my money. When I left my current wife I remember that was an issue of mine as well. I am bothered because it does not show a whole lot of growth on my part.
At one point I say in that post that I am going to fight for my money my name. Never did I say that I was going to fight for my marriage.
There are a lot of things that I am feeling about that particular post, but I am going to dismiss most of it to being young and inexperienced in life.
In the future I will just leave comments in the posts that I transcribe from journal entries.
posted by The Sonflower at 10:43 AM
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