Lil’ Big Man

It is the classic case of judging a book by its cover. When people see me they assume that I am healthy. I probably eat right, I might work out, and I would be the last person that one would assume to be completely out of shape.

Yesterday in talking to my wife I told her that I have a disorder. It may not manifest itself like it does on people that overweight, or even obese, but I believe that it is the same deal.

I guess I can thank my Dad or anyone else on my family tree for giving me the metabolism to eat what I want and not gain weight as a byproduct. With that said though, I think that whatever happens to people who eat themselves to death on the inside on their body can still happen to me. That is what scares me. That is why I decided to talk to my wife about it and come clean with the amount of food that I eat in a day.

I will stop and get something to eat before I get home from work, and then I will sit down at the table with my family and eat dinner. I also go behind the family when they are all done with dinner and I eat what is left while I am “cleaning up”.

I eat to silence the noise in my head. I eat because I am comfortable doing so. I eat to be social. I eat when I am sleepy. I also eat until I hurt. When I wake up in the morning I am full with all the food that I have eaten the night before. I eat breakfast simply because it is the "designated time to eat”.

To combat this I am going to try to mindfully eat. I will only eat when I am hungry, not when it is time for breakfast, or lunch, or even dinner. If I am not hungry, I am not eating. It is way harder than it sounds. I have to think every time I want to get something to eat, “Am I eating this because I am hungry, or do I just want to eat something right now?” If it is the latter, than I need to think about why I have decided to eat? What might I be trying to cover up with food?

I tell you what; I am not really off to good start.