The First Wife
In 1997 I got married the first time at the age of 23 my wife was 20 and we struggled through our marriage. There were good times and bad times. Everything seemed fine until I left to go over seas in 1999. I called her daily and I could tell that she was giving less and less of herself on the phone from day to day. Our conversations went from hours to minutes in a few months. Half way through my deployment she told me that she was leaving our house in California to return to our home state of Ohio. She said that she would remain there until I got out of the Marine Corps, which was one more deployment and three more years later.
When I returned home I had an empty house, a repossessed car, and a bunch of bad credit. My phone bill was over three thousand dollars as well. I found that very odd because whenever I talked to her from Japan, I called her using the calling cards that I bought on base. That is when I found the letters. Several letters were written to a Marine that was now stationed on the east coast. I left to go to Japan in June, the letters started in July. Apparently while I was sending money to my wife at my house I was also financing trips so that she could go see another man. Needless to say the marriage was over. We stayed married on paper longer than we actually stayed together, but that was my fault for dragging it out too long with the paper work.
So from 1999 until my current marriage, I have always felt like she did me wrong. She hurt me. It hurt more because she could do anything. She did not have to work and I offered to pay for school if she wanted to go back. It all just left a bad taste in my mouth. When referring to her I often call her “the devil”. People think that it is funny because I am able to joke like that. But I was never joking. I have never felt so hurt and betrayed in my whole life. Only the devil himself could pull something like that off.
Today my perspective has changed. I think about what I have been through in the five years in my current relationship. I know that it was not totally she that failed me. I think that I could have done more to help work it out. I feel like I could have been there more, and even been more understanding. In my head I thought that leaving East Cleveland was the best thing for us.
My job did not allow us to save enough and buy a nice house in the suburbs somewhere, but the Marine Corps offered immediate removal from the area. That was my dream, my idea of a good plan, as the man and the provider of the house I felt like it was best for both of us. It was not best for her. She grew up in a close family. Her entire family could probably be located in 20-mile radius. I did not grow up that way, I had always moved around. I welcomed change of scenery in order to start my new family.
Lastly, and probably most important, we were kids. She was just 20 and I 23. She had no high school diploma and I had no real skills to get a good job. How were we supposed to start a family if we still had so much work to do as individuals?
My marriage that I am in now has tested me and continues to test me. When you quit, you are saying that there are either no more possibilities or that you are not willing to try the possibilities. With my wife and two kids I am learning my own limits and sometimes it feels like there are none, but sometimes I feel like I am right at the edge.
So I think about that first marriage and my thinking is different. We don’t keep in touch, that bridge is burned now. I have said things that were meant to hurt, to kill if possible, and so has she. Now I feel like we were in the same boat. We were trying something as kids. I wish her the best in life. I hope that everything that she wants out of life is attainable for her. I hope that she is able to take from that marriage the good, because it was not all bad. I hope that she is able to take the bad and use it to grow. I know that without her I would not be the man that I am today, a man that my wife and children adore.
When I returned home I had an empty house, a repossessed car, and a bunch of bad credit. My phone bill was over three thousand dollars as well. I found that very odd because whenever I talked to her from Japan, I called her using the calling cards that I bought on base. That is when I found the letters. Several letters were written to a Marine that was now stationed on the east coast. I left to go to Japan in June, the letters started in July. Apparently while I was sending money to my wife at my house I was also financing trips so that she could go see another man. Needless to say the marriage was over. We stayed married on paper longer than we actually stayed together, but that was my fault for dragging it out too long with the paper work.
So from 1999 until my current marriage, I have always felt like she did me wrong. She hurt me. It hurt more because she could do anything. She did not have to work and I offered to pay for school if she wanted to go back. It all just left a bad taste in my mouth. When referring to her I often call her “the devil”. People think that it is funny because I am able to joke like that. But I was never joking. I have never felt so hurt and betrayed in my whole life. Only the devil himself could pull something like that off.
Today my perspective has changed. I think about what I have been through in the five years in my current relationship. I know that it was not totally she that failed me. I think that I could have done more to help work it out. I feel like I could have been there more, and even been more understanding. In my head I thought that leaving East Cleveland was the best thing for us.
My job did not allow us to save enough and buy a nice house in the suburbs somewhere, but the Marine Corps offered immediate removal from the area. That was my dream, my idea of a good plan, as the man and the provider of the house I felt like it was best for both of us. It was not best for her. She grew up in a close family. Her entire family could probably be located in 20-mile radius. I did not grow up that way, I had always moved around. I welcomed change of scenery in order to start my new family.
Lastly, and probably most important, we were kids. She was just 20 and I 23. She had no high school diploma and I had no real skills to get a good job. How were we supposed to start a family if we still had so much work to do as individuals?
My marriage that I am in now has tested me and continues to test me. When you quit, you are saying that there are either no more possibilities or that you are not willing to try the possibilities. With my wife and two kids I am learning my own limits and sometimes it feels like there are none, but sometimes I feel like I am right at the edge.
So I think about that first marriage and my thinking is different. We don’t keep in touch, that bridge is burned now. I have said things that were meant to hurt, to kill if possible, and so has she. Now I feel like we were in the same boat. We were trying something as kids. I wish her the best in life. I hope that everything that she wants out of life is attainable for her. I hope that she is able to take from that marriage the good, because it was not all bad. I hope that she is able to take the bad and use it to grow. I know that without her I would not be the man that I am today, a man that my wife and children adore.
posted by The Sonflower at 9:52 AM
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